I should be braver and face my fears,

I should be stronger and fight my fears,

I know what I should do, but I cannot,

I am too weak and coward,

Cowards do not face life,

Cowards run away from life,

I ran away and my fears found me,

I ran away from my duties,

I ashamed of myself,

I cannot look at my face in the mirror,

I am not what I would like to be,

I should be brave and I am afraid,

I should be strong and I am full of vices,

Only death can forgive me,

Only death can find me when I am lost,

Only death can save me from my fears.


399I will dive in the river.

Nobody will ever see me again.

Nobody will remember my name.

Nobody will cry for me.

Nobody will miss me.

I am useless for this world.

I will dive in the river.

I want a fast and painless end.

The waters will purify my soul

And I will pass away to a better place

Far away from my bad feelings,

Far away from my inner despair.

I will dive in the river

To forget everything that makes me sad.

My wounds will never be healed

Because I cut myself again and over again.

It is good to see my own blood,

But I cannot go on with that.

My ache became pleasure

And I deserve no pleasure,

I deserve only to suffer

Because I am useless and nobody loves me.

The true pain is lonely.

I am always lonely in the crowd.

Nobody sees my sorrow.

Happy people increase my sorrow.

I will dive in the river.

Nobody will forgive my cowardice,

But that is my choice, my way, my exit.

My bitter solution.

My last solution.

There is no salvation for the lost souls.

There is no light hidden in the darkness.

I am not happy in this world

And I will feel better

When I dive in the river.


402914-ddarkness-dark-moon-lightWake me up

when I am screaming

in my nightmare.


Night is long and my life is short.


Wake me up

when I am silent

in my grave.


1346945977maenam-beachToday I am fine.
Don’t come to worry me.
Don’t bring me your problems.
I won’t save the world.
I am not the hero of the day.
I want just to be fine today.
Maybe tomorrow I die
defending a noble cause,
helping many people,
being an example for the world.
But not today,darling.
I am too fine to be a hero.
Let me alone,selfish and happy.
Let me rest,sleep and dream.
This is my best moment,
my personal paradise.
Please, darling, don’t tell me your troubles.